2007

today is the last day of 2007. looking back at 2007, many things had happen. happy and sad things....

 

happy events/things

• having our lovenest
• our rom
• our wedding
• being pregnant
• got a new job
• got reason to take lots of mc to rest at home. hahhaha.......
• got a nintendo ds
• got a very meaningful christmas present. 

sad events/things

• the miscarriage
• leave my close and good ex-colleagues
• first year without bonus (but got bonus from darling, not to bad lah. heheh...)

it seems like 2007 is not a bad year for me. i have listed more happy events then sad events which is good. hehehe.....

not well

going into week 7 soon, today is the worst day of ms so far. don't feel like eating anything yet constantly feel the hunger. once food is placed in front of me, i can only take a few bites and that's it. the only food that i can place in my mouth recently is whipped potato from kfc. had been eating a lot of that. 

 

had a sudden craving for delifrance deli potato. make a trip to heartland mall then to realise that delifrance had closed. so we travel to hougang mall, then the delifrance there is a bistro, they don't have deli potato. i was so sad. end up having ajisen. i order a tom yam ra-mian. i have better appetite with sour food. 

 

darling bought me to toa payoh hdb hub delifrance to have my deli potato. after having my dinner, i feel so lousy. keep wanting to puke though there is always nothing coming out. i feel so bad that i started crying non-stop. simply can't control my tears. 

 

hopefully, these ms is a good sign of baby is growing well. then all these suffering is worth it. baby, lets be strong to brave through these period.

nintendo ds

darling can't tahan me watching repeat tv programme whenever i'm at home. so he decided to get me a game set to play with. yeah!! 

 

there comes another problem, which one to get? ps3, nintendo wii, psp, nintendo ds? we try to weigh all the pro and cons and getting advise from people but still can't to decide. 

 

then when my darling came to fetch me from work yesterday, he said we get nintendo ds. cos its a handheld, i can play with it on my way to work next year (now darling send me to work everyday). another reason is also that the games are more childish which means its easier to play. hahahah..... lost touch with all these games for so long, now a bit stupid and slow when playing. 

 

we got the pink set (came with screen protector and leather pouch) and 3 games set (bommerman, cooking mama and bubble bobble). hehhe....

2nd gynae visit

we have our 2nd visit to gynae today. did a scan and the necessary routine test. manage to see baby's heartbeat though we are into week 5. baby is super small, only 2.2mm. being able to see baby's heartbeat is the best confirmation. 

 

not sure if ms had started to kick in, i don't feel hungry since yesterday. don't feel like eating at all but stomach always feels empty. when this feeling comes, i will want to vomit but there is nothing to throw out. gynae had advise to take small meal but more times. of course, i can't skip all the medication given. 

 

i had requested for mc till christmas so that i can rest at home. had been feeling tired. hehehe.......

christmas present

i manage to trick my darling into tell me what he is getting for me as christmas present. i told him i don't like tag heuer watch when he told me he is going to get me a watch. he is so upset about it. i told him, its ok we can still go and have a look. maybe there will be one that caught my attention.

 

we went to the tag heuer boutique yesterday to look around. nothing caught my attention so we went round to other watch shops in suntec. finally i manage to find 1 that i like and darling thinks its nice too. its a katherine hamnett watch. at first, i was looking at the rectangle face one, then i saw the small round face one. that looks nicer and very classic. so darling says its timeless, it will still look good after 10 years and he got that for me. 

 

however, i still didn't have the watch with me. me being very vain, took out the watch to see when we were in the car. then we realise the watch is not working. good thing is that we had not left the carpark. so i called the shop immediately and told them to wait for us. they are closing in 5 mins. we went back with the watch and was told that the battery is flat and they happen to not have battery of that size. so the shop is getting a new watch for me from the supplier but I will only be able to get it next week. 

 

as we were walking back to the carpark, i realise i did another stupid thing. i had left my own seiko watch in the box and leave everything behind in the shop. sigh..... its too late to call them then cos they are closed. so i can only called them today. 

 

i was never so blur before. good thing is that i'm the last customer yesterday and called them when they open just now. lucky they found the watch if not, i would have lost my 21st birthday present. they will keep it for me till next week when i collect the watch.

its a chemical reaction

we went to kkh to see doc today. doc mention that as i was in the super early stage, he won't do a scan. at this very moment, we can only call this a chemical pregnancy. whether it will develop into a real pregnancy, we will know 2 weeks later when we go back for review. i never know that there are actually such things know as chemical pregnancy and there is a 30% of failure. 

 

the doc is very encouraging, he told us not to come back feeling disappointed. there is still a high chance of 70% success rate. he give me some hormones pill to support the pregnancy and 3 days mc to rest at home. we reached home at about 1 and i had been napping since then till 4.30pm. i just feel so tired today. 

 

i do hope that this pregnancy will be successful then it will be the best christmas present for everyone of us.

positive!!!

i have have strong feeling that i might be pregnant as i notice some spotting. thought that my menses had reported early but the spotting is very minimum and was on and off. i bought a test kit today and test it out. i got a positive test. i was not really shocked by it since i already sense it. 

 

i didn't tell darling the result, i just show him the test kit. he look at for a while and ask what. it take him a while to know that it had indicated that i'm pregnant. he is so kan cheong and said that we will go to the doc tomorrow. when i told him about my spotting and why i suspect, he starts to get worried. but importantly, we must go to doc tomorrow.

 

this time round, we decided to inform our parents about it no matter what.

new addition



we have a new addition to our home today. the 2nd hand piano that we bought was delivered this afternoon. darling has always wanted to have a piano at home but has put the idea off cos we had spent too much for our wedding, home and renovation.

 

our original plan is to get it in dec when we got our bonus. but we had bring it forward cos i happened to chance upon a thread in a forum where a lady is selling off her 2 years + old piano away before she moved house. so we took the opportunity to see the piano and got it at $1500. its not exactly very cheap but reasonable for a 2nd hand one that is not too old. 

 

i have arrange for tuning tomorrow. after that, darling can start playing on the piano again and for me, i can start to pick it up again. i had started learning a few years back but stop after 4 months. hehehe...... now with a piano at home and darling around, i had no reason to pick it up again.

my darling

i was helping my colleague in moving a few cartons of a4 paper today. we were trying to place them onto the trolley so that we can move it from the store to our office. after placing them on the trolley, i realised a slight pain in my stomach. i think i have pull one of the muscle while carrying the carton. the pain is not too bad but did lasted for more than an hour. lucky, the pain was gone before i knock off. if not, he will sure drag me to see doc. 

 

back in my seat, i decided to sms my darling to tell him about it. hoping that he will 'sayang' me with words. hehehe.... didn't expect darling to have such a major reaction from my sms. he called me immediately to check if i'm ok. ask where is the pain, is it very bad and he sounded very worried. keep telling me that i shouldn't carry such heavy things and should not strain myself. in future, get others to do it. 

 

i'm touched by him, didn't expect to get such big reaction from him. if i know, i wouldn't have told him. when he came to fetch me, the first time he said is, still got pain (touching my stomach)? even back home now, he still continue to check on me making sure that i'm not in pain. 

 

thanks darling, i'm really very 幸福 to have you with me.

odd dream

i had an odd dream yesterday... i dreamt that i had a miscarriage again. although i know that i'm definitely not pregnant at this very moment it does make me feel uncomfortable. 

 

and so happen that i received a call from aunt asking if i'm pregnant already (they didn't know about my miscarriage). they thought i'm on pills, she said quickly have one when you can. not young liao don't drag. 

 

maybe its just coincident but i do feel uncomfortable about it for the whole day. dare not tell darling about it, don't want him to worry. i had just talked to my close friend about it, feeling better now.

jigsaw

yesterday we bought a set of 500 pieces disney jigsaw. i had always enjoy the process of putting them together. luckily, darling don't like, then there is no one to fight with me. heheh.....

i had started on it today at 2.30pm and its done by 6pm. the next step now is to glue them and darling will send it off to frame. yeah!!! 

 

Here's the completed set. we are going to hang it up on the wall facing the main door, on top of our shoe cabinet. hopefully with this, the wall won't look so empty.



when i'm old - a letter to my child

i heard this article on let's shoot programme today. find it very meanful and touching.

<<当我老了>>——写给孩子的一封信

当我老了，不再是原来的我。
请理解我，对我有一点耐心。

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，
当我忘记怎样系鞋带时，
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。

当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语，
请耐心地听我说，不要打断我。
你从小的时候，我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事，
直到你进入梦乡。

当我需要你帮我洗澡时，请不要责备我。
还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗？

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时，请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个“为什么”。

当我由于双脚疲劳而无法行走时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手搀扶我。
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，请给我一些时间让我回想。
其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，
只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。

当你看着老去的我，请不要悲伤。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始
学习如何生活时我对你那样。

当初我引导你走上人生的路，
如今请陪我走完最后的路。
给我你的爱和耐心，我会报以感激的微笑。
这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

playing games

recently, darling and me are into playing games. it all started last week when we were transferring data into the new external hard disk that we bought. while waiting for the data to transfer, we started playing '飞机棋'. since then we had been playing all sort of games like uno, animal games, monopoly. we know we are a bit bo liao but we enjoyed it. heheh..... darling is no good with monopoly, he always end up bankrupt. hahah.... he said luckily, its just a game and not real life or else he sure die. hahahah.....

3rd day at work

today is my 3rd day of work. generally, i still don't have a table and pc to myself cos the lady (z) that i'm taking over had not change her work station. she is supposed to take over another lady (y) who is leaving and this lady only leaves next fri. so i'm going to share seat with 'z' for the time being. maybe i'm still new, i still got nothing to do. 

 

i am joining them for the workplan seminar today and tomorrow. this is the first time, i attend such seminar. as much as i hate talking in front of a group presenting, this seminar is actually quite fun and set me thinking. 

 

who will ever sit here and think about:

• people/things that matters to you
• your values
• your goals
• how you celebrate your success
• what is your fears

this seminar let you understand yourself better and get you thinking of what happen this year, what had you learnt, what are you going to do in future. also through some activities, you get to know more about your colleagues. maybe this is the first time, i'm doing it so i do enjoy it so far. i guess if i have to do it every year, i might not enjoy this at all.

 

its indeed a total different experience.

messages

as yesterday was my last day of work, i sent out thank you messages to people that i had worked with cos didn't get to say goodbye to them (all involved in meeting). 

 

its just a simple and general thank you message. i got this reply from my coo, i'm actually touched by him. 

 

'you have grown much over the years celyn and entered into married life too. as you progress forward, may your joys be over many times your sadness. call on your coach meng kuan (my boss) to share both. you are a big part of her life. call us too if you miss your job here. be blessed. 

 

my eyes were wet when i saw this but i managed to hold back my tears. i forward this to my boss telling her that i'm touched by him and don't know how to reply this message.

 

my tears eventually drop when her reply was 'just appreciate us in your heart' and on the radio, it was playing 光良's song, 都是你. all the memories came back to me and i realised i do miss them and feel sad about leaving. i was crying all the way home. 

 

not only i play a big part in my boss's life, she too play a big part in my life. she had shared all my joy and sadness these 8 years, she is always there to support me and help me through all my difficult times. she did has a very special place in my heart.

last day

yeah, finally today is my last day of work. after 8 years and 2 months to be exact, i'm leaving everything here. i can still remembered my first day of work at hq. i was waiting for my immediate supervisor then at the reception when my boss came in and saw me. she showed me around and introduced me to everyone. back in my mind, i tried very hard to recall who is she and what is her name. hehehe..... i'm very bad at putting names to faces unless i see you very often. the days in hq are memorable and so are the days when our dept shifted out to the new site 2 years ago. we went through the renovation, the furnishing and cleaning up of this place. its just like a home we build for ourselves. 

 

i do feel happy that i'm leaving as i see many changes coming in and i don't see how these changes will help to make things better here. at the same time, i do feel sad that i'm leaving all my dear colleagues. after so many years, we do have a special bonding. i will definitely miss them especially my boss and some colleagues in hq. 

 

i had personally given the little thank you card that i made to my boss. i had avoid talking to her on a personal note cos i don't wish to cry. my boss had always say that i will be nice to the whole world except her. i will bully her and show her black face and throw temper at her. my answer for her is always, you are the one who selected me after the 2nd interview. hahah...

 

 i will miss you and all the memories that we shared. take care...

farewell dinner

i had my farewell dinner with colleagues at cafe cartel. it was a last minute arrangement decided at 4pm. jenny and i are leaving on wed, so its a farewell for both of us. 

 

since the dinner was at serangoon garden, i had arrange for my darling to pick us up and send us there. at the same time, he can bring my laptop back and helped me buy the ingredients to make the japanese jelly. i had promised my boss to make more for her since she didn't had enough (she already took 4 trays back with her in the morning). so i had started making the moment i reached home at 9pm. 

 

the servings for cafe cartel was quite big, i had the ribs and could only manage to finish half the portion. we were teasing li li all the while for the mistake that she made. she had requested for her desert to be served instead of dessert. the brownie with ice cream was tasty. although i'm not close with them, we did had an enjoyable evening and were laughing and joking throughout the dinner.

thank you

i wanted to get a gift for my boss to express my thanks for her. but i just had no idea what to get for her, she had all the things she needs. so i decided to make her a thank you card. although it may be a simple and worthless card but the thoughts are priceless. i think i will still get her something if i come across something nice these 2 days. 

 

now that i got this card, i don't know if i want to hand it to her personally or just leave it on the table for her. i guess it will be hard to face the moment if i do give it to her personally.

a little complaint

i'm so bored in office that i decided to write about the little complaint i made this morning. 

 

i had subscribe to motherhood magazine not long after i found out that i was pregnant then. before i could send in my request to subscribe, i was told of my miscarriage. but we still went ahead to subscribe cos we will need it later anyway. 

 

so i send in the request for it to start sending us a copy from august 07. and that was the only issue i received since then. and i had clean forgotten about it till yesterday, i thought my darling had kept them away quietly so that i won't think of baby after looking at the magazine. so i decided to check with him but darling said no, then we realised we never received the issue for sept and oct and we had actually paid for 36 issues of it. we were not angry but just feel that why we so blur, never realise that we are being cheated in a way. heheh....

 

so i call them up to check. i explain the situation to the lady who answered the call, then she said she will look into it but and will send us the backdated copies and asked me to look out for every new issue around the last week of the month.

 

i never expect myself to be so blur that i had clean forgotten about it. big sotong.

new additons

we had been shopping for a radio and a dvd player for some time. didn't really see what we like. maybe we are outdated. there isn't a lot of selections to choose from for a hi fi set. we wanted something that can play dvd, vcd, mp3 and has fm radio too. it seems like many people are getting home theater system now instead of hi fi set. but we didn't like all the speakers that comes with it the home theater system.



actually we saw a dvd micro theater system that we liked but it cost $469 but with amount we can get a home theater system which gives better sound effects. if that is the case, we decided to stay outdated and get a hi fi set and dvd player which only cost us $176. at last, we got our mini hi fi set (see pic but ours is a black one) and dvd player for our lovenest from courts today. i was telling our mini hi fi doesn't look like a hi fi. heheh..... darling says i always like to buy things that doesn't has its supposing look.

a lesson learnt

for the first time i know, offsetting my leave to leave earlier means no pay. i received my exit interview forms and letter on my resignation. 

 

on the letter, there is a sentence. "arrangement will be make to pay you your salary up to and including 17 oct." when i first got this, i didn't really pay attention to it. after a while, i read it carefully then i feel that something seems to be wrong with this sentence. this would means that i'm only paid for 1 - 17 oct, that's all. then what about my leave from 18 oct - 11 nov? not paid? i'm confuse. is my english so bad that i don't understand the sentence? 

 

i call hr to clarify, the executive confuse me further with her explanation. in the end, the hr manager call me to explain which is clearer and finally i understand. 

 

cos i wanted to leave earlier (17 days), i need to pay back company in cash for the days that i didn't serve notice. with my 17 annual leave, i can use these leave to offset the 17 days that i need to pay back. therefore, i'm not paid. i was actually quite shocked to hear that. but what she say is correct too, so i got nothing to say. then she told me, what i can do now is to get my boss to waive my notice then she will arrange to pay me for my leaves. 

 

so i went to talk to my boss and get him to waive my notice and he agreed. so now, i will be paid for my leave. with this resignation, i learnt something. offsetting leave with notice means no paid.

shopping

with me changing job in 2 weeks times, i told my darling i needed more office wear. got excuse to go shopping, hehe.... 

 

as my current office wear are quite causal cos i can go in spaghetti straps tops. so my wardrobe consists of mainly spaghetti straps tops, halter neck, some sleeveless and limited tops with sleeves (i think only 4 pieces). i don't think my new office will allow me to go in so causally. i need to get more tops with sleeves or at least sleeveless. 

 

i have been out shopping last week and today. i brought along my personal atm too (hahaha.... my darling to pay for my purchases). i had spent near $300 on a top, a pair of pants and 2 dresses. thank you, darling.

 

at the same time, my colleague who know that i'm out on a shopping sprees told me not to buy so much just in case, i get pregnant and all these will go to waste. hehe.... i told her where got so fast, not that you want, you get it. well, what she say is also quite true but nothing can stop me from shopping especially now i got excuse to shop. hahahah..............

cooking

i went to my colleague's place to learn how to make 饺子. its was a fun session. cutting up the vegetables, mixing with minced meat, preparing the dough. we finished preparing and making within 2 hours. 

 

after the session, i realised i had a little blister on my index finger. i keep thinking what had cause it? finally, i remember the cause could be the knife that i hold when i was cutting the vegetables. when i show my darling my finger, he was shocked. he said that i'm make of tofu. heheh. 

 

i told him good loh, then i better stay at home and be tai tai.

medical report

we went back to kkh to pick up my pre-conception test report today. everything is ok and normal for me. i'm had the necessary immunity that i should have except for hep b. as in whether i want a vaccination, its optional since i'm tested to be negative. but darling said he might be a carrier for hep b and so he will go for a blood test. if he is a carrier then i will go for a vaccination.

 

after 2 visits to kkh's private suite, we quite like the place and their service is quite fast too. the environment is very classy, doesn't feel like a hospital or clinic. therefore, darling suggests that we will go back there if i'm pregnant. i wonder if the charges will be high.

so angry

i'm so super angry today. we have a group of people from various locations and hq coming to use our classroom for meeting. they had already book the rooms with me as i'm in charge of room booking.

 

instead of using the rooms that i had allocated for them which is room 2, 4, 7 and meeting room. they change to the big room (room 5 & 6, there is a partition wall that can be open to be a big room) without asking me. they asked someone who is not in charge, she didn't even check the room booking chart that is outside the room and simply says nobody use in the morning cos its empty and they shifted out of meeting room into room 5. . i start to boil when i know about this. not because they didn't ask me but we have exam for over 50 students in the afternoon in room 5 & 6. 

 

with them using room 5, i will have to spilt the group into 2 rooms to hold the exam. it will also means that i will need 2 invigilators instead of 1. so i scolded a ops manager and a senior manager saying that why they allow this to happen. they should tell our big boss that we need the room for exam in the afternoon. i believe she will understand if they tell her so. they say never mind, since she is already in there, don't get her out. then ask me to help do invigilation. 

 

with them messing up my room booking this morning, i end up with no rooms for exam. then i walked into room 2 with a super smelly face and tell the people in there to shift to room 6 so that i can use room 1 and 2 for exam. 

 

this is so ridiculous, if they are not going to use that is allocated for them in the first place, then why bother to book rooms. this is a school and not a meeting place. the classrooms are meant for classes and not meeting. isn't the students our priority? what if we are having classes in the afternoon instead of exam? does it means that we need to engage another lecturer? 

 

sigh.... i think i have said enough. it may seem very confusing but i just need to let it out. after what happen, i'm actually glad that i will be out soon.

sms from boss

today my boss came back with a guest. i didn't get to talk to her, just saw her walking around. she left with the guest after a short while. i just received her sms and i cried after reading it. 

 

boss: 'when i see you, then i realised how much i miss you'. 

me: 'hehe.... i know. i told darling that i feel so lost on sun. yesterday when i came in, i really feel lost. you are so bad, make me cry.  

 

my tears just keep rolling down, i can't stop it. i do miss her too. i know this is part of life, i guess we need time to get over it.

lost

as usual, i left a document on my boss's table for her to sign. but suddenly, my action feel so wrong. she is transfer to hq liao, she won't be coming back.

 

i feel so lost. in the past, when she is away for long overseas trip. i also never had this kind of feeling maybe i know she will be back. today is the first day that she is away and i already feel so lost. coming in to the office knowing that she won't be around liao just feel so odd. suddenly i don't know 

• who am i reporting to
• who do i go to when i need help
• who to sign all the documents

this is the first time i feel so lost in this company. there is no instruction from the top. everything is just left hanging in the air.

scary encounter

we were out today with the idea of changing darling's hp and down grading his plan since he don't need to chat with me on the hp now. so can down grade to a lower plan liao. when we reach the singtel shop then we realise that he can only change his phone today but can't down grade. if we want to down grade will have to wait till dec. since we can't change the phone, we decided to go home. 

 

in the car for about 5 minutes, i saw a cockroach crawling at the dash cover part where i'm seated. i shouted out very loudly for my darling's attention. he was shocked to see the cockroach and he quickly stop the car in a small lane. i jump off the car immediately and leave my darling inside, killing the cockroach. the cockroach died very grossly cos it was stuck between dash cover and the windscreen. while darling tried to get it out, it was smash and you can see juices coming out of it. eeeeeee............... i almost wanted to puke when i saw that. i told darling to clean up the car tomorrow if not i won't want to sit in there anymore.

farewell lunch

i was shocked to receive an email this morning title as 'farewell lunch for our 3 angels (me, my boss and another colleague from another dept)'. i'm shocked cos my last day of service is mid oct and is not finalised. the farewell lunch is scheduled for tomorrow, so i guess she (from another dept) can't wait to see me go. i'm not really close to her but still i didn't expect this from her. maybe she really can't wait to get rid of me and my boss but didn't expect her to include her dept colleague. i think i need to 检讨一下, what have i done to deserve this... 

 

i really don't feel like joining them for lunch. if they are doing a farewell lunch nearer to my last day of service, maybe i will still entertain them but definitely not tomorrow. i feel so .... arghhh..... can i reply the email saying that i'm not going?

black pepper crab

i met up with my colleague from head office and ex-colleague (aka as lover) for our favourite black pepper crab at koon seng road. its a little coffee shop beside malacca hotel along still road. their pepper crab is superb. we will usually called to make reservations for the crabs. making reservation for the crab is to make sure that you get to eat when you reach and not get a disappointing answer of crabs are SOLD OUT. 

 

there is no reservations for tables only for crabs. even though you have reserve the crabs, you will still need to queue for table if its full house. 

 

on weekends, you might have to wait for 30 mins to an hour for table and another 30 mins or more for the crab to be serve. their business is so good that by 6pm, there is already a long queue outside the coffee shop and crabs will be gone by 8 or 9pm. for their crabs, i will queue and wait. yummy!!!!

tendered

i had tender my resignation today. its kind of a mix feelings when i hand it in to my boss. although we had know that this day will come but its still hard to face it. don't know how to describe my feelings.

 

i had requested for early release. hopefully with my boss's help, hr will release me earlier rather than serving the 2 months notice.

home alone

for the 1st time after 3 months of marriage, i'm home alone. darling is in camp today and will only come back tomorrow evening. 

 

he had called me several times today just to make sure i'm ok. he is only away for 1 day and i miss him. nobody for me to 撒娇, to get me my bedtime milk, and switch off all the lights today. i can't imagine if he is to go away for a longer period, how do i survive...

selected

i just received a call from moe saying that i'm selected!!! they will send me an official letter to inform me that i have been selected. now is to wait for them to inform me on a briefing that i need to attend. once i sign then i can resign but i must submit my cpf documents before i start work. if not, there will be a 50% pay cut as i'm consider me fresh without experience. hopefully, cpf can send me my documents asap so that i don't need to take so much pay cut. i'm so happy to receive their call. yeah!!!!

baby boy

i went to visit my close friend at tmc. she had delivered a 3.8 kg baby boy yesterday. baby refuse to come out to see the world, so mummy got to to induce him out. she had chosen 1st sep so that baby have a holiday on his birthday every year. he is so cute, rosy and with double eye lid and definitely doesn't look like he is a new born. so happy for her, she is the first among us to be a mummy. so now she can tell us all about it and be our teacher. hahah....

confuse

i went to kkh to have a pre-conception check and then back to my own gynae for my last review after the d/c. 

 

after seeing both, i'm confuse by the different instructions given by them. who should i listen to? the only common comments given is miscarriage is a very common thing, there could be no actual reason to it. 

 

kkh doc says:

• don't need to wait for 3 months to try again as long as we feel that we are ready for the next pregnancy, we can try
• the amount of folic acid in my multi-vitamin is enough, no need to take extra. 

my gynae says:

• to try again only after oct which is 3 months after miscarriage.
• add folic acid on top of my current multi-vitamin 1 month before we try. 

i'm going back to kkh to see my report in 3 weeks, then he will tell me how to prevent miscarriage or anything to be careful with for the next pregnancy.

so bored

i'm so bored. i simply got nothing to do in the office. sometimes i wonder, is it me who is too efficient or i am not given any work. sigh.... so sian....... 

 

this is worse than staying at home. at least, i can watch tv, sleep, play neopet or laze around at home. but all these are impossible when i'm in the office. help!!!! what can i do to past time.

i thought i have forgotten

it has been more than a month, i thought i have forgotten about the miscarriage. it never occur to me that i have not got over it. my tears just rolled down as i was talking to my friend. she heard about it from another friend and was showing her concern. although i just shed a tear or two but it still hurt. it feel as if someone is stabbing me. i guess this kind pain will never go away and it will stay forever. but i will be strong and not going to shed another a tear when its was brought up again in future.

mc again

i had another bad flu attack again last night. wake up in the middle of the night to take panadol cold. decided to see doc today and not let it go on. was given a mc to rest at home and for the whole day, i just feel so tired and sleepy. i had spend my day sleeping and i still feel weak and a bit giddy now. this flu bug is really bad, going to have dinner and sleep again.

down with flu

i have been down with flu for quite some time. its not always there though, it just comes on and off for at least 2 weeks. i didn't have anything special in my diet compare to last time. the new thing added to my diet now is the multi-vitamin that i'm taking everyday now. could it be the multi-vitamin that cause my immunity to be down? it shouldn't be, its supposed to build up my immunity and not destroy it, right? hmm.... what could be the cause of it?

算盘子

i tried to make 算盘子 yesterday. one of the my favourite dish that my mum used to cook for me. the original 算盘子 is make from yam but i'm not a big fan of yam so my mum replace it with potato. from then, we have our own version of potato 算盘子.

 

in the past, i had always help out when she is making it. yesterday, i 心血来潮 thought of doing it myself. i bought all the ingredients after work at sheng siong. after dinner, i started cooking. the whole preparation process is 1 hour. this dish had become our little supper at about 9pm. of course, my guinea pig for this dish will be my darling. 

 

the dish just tasted like my mum's cooking. hehehe..... but my darling don't like it. he feels that the potato is tasteless and doesn't go with the rest of the ingredients but still he finished them all. hahah...... maybe in future, i can try to modify the dish a bit so that the potato will have some taste.

interview

i went for interview at moe yesterday. i saw a long list of interviewee at the security check point. i went up and got all my documents verify and waited for my turn. i was very anxious when i reached there but as i waited, i become very relax and cool. 

 

they never ask question that i expected such as family planning, strengths and weaknesses and overall its ok. after i left, i told the lady outside that i'm interested in their HR position that was recently posted. I ask my application can be brought over if i failed this. heheheh...... 

 

for now, there is nothing to do but wait for their reply in 2 weeks time.

poor darling

today is my darling's birthday and i went to moe for interview. he fetch me from moe after work and waited for me at their cafe while i was being interviewed. after that, we went to get movie tickets before heading home. 

 

the moment we step in, my darling transform into our little maid and started cleaning up the house, sweeping, mopping and washing the bathrooms while i just sit and surf the net. hhehehe..... it was already 5.30pm when he is done with the cleaning. by the time we bathe and get ready to leave for dinner and movie, its already 6pm. so we decided to have some small bites, go for movie (show at 7pm) then dinner at uno after the show. 

 

so we only had dinner at about 9+pm, by then my poor darling is already starving. at least, we had very nice steak at uno which ended our little celebration for him. :)

 

he is very poor thing right? its his birthday today, yet he had to do all the cleaning without any grumble.

what is the right move?

i received a call from aunt this morning saying that her neighbour is renting out a room. she ask if i'm willing to let my parents move out of my brother's house. the rent is about $400 per month. 

 

we sold our flat (under my mum and my name) in toa payoh cos i'm planning for wedding last year. all transaction was done in jan 07. since then, my parents had been living at my brother's place. my brother bought a flat in woodlands for my parents and to rent it out. my parents will had to stay there for 2.5 years before they can apply for rental flat from hdb cos my mum used to be an owner for our previous flat. this is hdb rule. 

 

i didn't want my parents to stay with me cos darling wants his father to stay with us. which i think its reasonable too, since my fil is alone and darling is the only son. he has to look after him. although he had not shifted in with us, i still insist that my parents can't move in with us. i don't want to face a situation where my fil wants to move in and my parents got to move out. by then everyone will be scolding me for throwing my parents out. 

 

all these years, i have been the only one taking care of my parents. although i have siblings but none of them want to take care of them. not a single cent from them too. so there is no way to get my sibling to help chip in for the rental. 

 

with this morning call, i don't know what to do? if we refuse to to pay for the rent and let them move out, we will be label as unfilial. if we were to pay for the rent, its going to be very tight for us. i have been giving them allowance of $450 a month, with the rental, i will have to pay $850 a month. what if we have a baby later, we will need more money.

anniversary

today marks the 2nd anniversary for us, it had been 2 years since we started holding hands. although 2 years is short but the feeling seems to be longer than that. we had decided to go toa payoh and eat at uno yesterday, as usual we change our plan again. we had western food at a coffee shop in serangoon garden. past by there for a few times and that stall is always very crowded. so we decided to go there and give it a try. our verdict, its not as good as uno. 

 

i got a cd by rod stewart for my darling as present. don't know where he got to hear the song 'for the first time' and he is in love with it now. last week, we went looking around for it but couldn't find it. i manage to get it from the cd shop yesterday when i was at raffles city shopping. so i bought it without telling him. wanted to give him a surprise today but the surprise didn't turn out the way i planned for. 

 

i was hoping that he will see it when he came back in the afternoon. called me happily to ask where i got it, then played it in the car when he fetch me. in the end, he came and fetch me after work instead. so he only saw it when we reached home. anyway, he is thrill to see it and keep asking me how i manage to get it. as we don't have a radio at home at the moment, he can't play it immediately. heheh..... 

 

i guess i will have to listen to this song for this week cos he will be playing it non-stop in the car. hmmm... am i sabotaging myself with that cd? hhehehe...... never mind lah, as long as he is happy. i'm happy too.

chan brother fair

we went down to suntec to the chan brothers fair today. we are planning for our year end trip. we queued up to get the queue number to make enquires for free & easy new zealand and was told by the lady that we had to come back tomorrow. we were shocked to hear that and out immediate reaction was, tomorrow still have meh? she told us there were over 300 people (these 300 people were also queuing for new zealand) before us and they won't be able to clear all enquires before they closed for the day. but we can bring the queue number and go down to their office in chinatown tomorrow to get the same promotion. 

 

however, we did went in and manage to get a brochure on their package. after looking at it, we decided not to go to chan brothers tomorrow. maybe we have to change our destination for year end. maybe some place nearer and cheaper.

interview

the interview at sgh went quite well just that the job scope is of a lower position compared to what i'm doing now. it also need to cover some reception work which i'm not keen at all. 

 

i told the interviewer to inform me of their package if they had selected me. i will decided if i want the job then. if i decided to give up their offer, they will keep my record in view for future positions that are coming out next month. 

 

anyway just wait and see loh, no hurry. :)

back at work

today is my 1st day back at work after the long break (almost 2 months). my colleagues are very careful with me, nobody mention anything about my miscarriage. usually after 1, 2 days of mc, they will asked, how are you, feeling better. nothing of this sort is being mention at all.

 

i spent half the day, clearing all the junk mails in my inbox and cleared up my table. after lunch then i continue with my data entry for all the exam candidates. there are tons of application for me to clear, i guess i will have to spend the rest of the week on data entry. then can start all the logistics preparation next week.

left or right

i got this from a friend, find it quite interesting. i can't decide if i'm a left-left or left-right cos i don't have a standard way of folding my arms. or maybe i'm both. heheh..... maybe i will try a few more times to determine the way i fold my arms. hahah.......

LEFT OR RIGHT?

First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:
1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying. Look at your hands. If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:
Right-Left
Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instinctively read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.
Right-Right
Loves challenges type.Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they dont listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.
Left-Left
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.
Left-Right
Likes to take care of others, leader type. Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

leave or stay

i have been working in current company for 8 years. the idea of resigning surface when we came back from honeymoon. i have been very comfortable and have a very good boss. she will fetch me to work everyday and send me back if she is leaving at the same time as me. this arrangement never change except now my darling will fetch me from work. so i actually had the luxury of having a personal morning driver (my boss) and a evening driver (my darling) everyday. she really dotes me too, i'm just like her daughter. i'm pretty sure in office, everybody is saying that she is my 靠山. 

 

many times when the thought of resigning comes to me, the first time i think of its her. if i'm not around, is there someone that can take over me and help her. not that i'm very good but at least of now i'm the only one she can depends on. 

 

she told me that she will be transfer back to head office to head another dept by oct. she will no longer be my boss. upon hearing that, i'm not sure if i should be happy or sad. i'm happy cos the transfer is good for her but i'm sad cos she is leaving me in a way. another good thing that i can think of is that i can resign and leave anytime now. i don't have to worry that there is no one to help her. 

 

now that she is out of my consideration, i have to think about baby. should i resign and get pregnant again in new company? by then i may have join them for less than 6 months, is it good for me to do this? can the new company sack me with probation period when they found out that i'm pregnant? or should i stay and wait till i get pregnant and give birth to 1st child, then resign and join a new company? which is a better option? 

 

maybe i should just send out my applications and wait for the response, there might be no offer for me at all. then i'm wasting my time and energy thinking of all these. sigh......

out....

after a long wait, i can finally stepped out of my house alone. darling had finally given the green light for me to go out by myself. ever since i'm on mc, i had been at home all the time or go to ntuc with darling to stock up food for me. he is so worried about me that he said, you don't go out unless i'm with you. 

 

I'm not a very homely person, i'm so happy that i'm able to go out today. first thing i did so went to develop our honeymoon and wedding preparation photos. i also bought a set of aprons and a top for myself. me being a good girl (hahah, buay paiseh), i didn't go out for long too. i came back within 2 hours.

 

waited for darling to come back and had lunch together. darling had his afternoon nap while i laze around and watch tv. as usual, i cook dinner for him and he do all the washing.

review

i went for review today. everything is fine, gynae had send our baby for test after d/c. he showed us the report today and told us that the test result showed that its a miscarriage which in a way is a good sign. he told us in some case, the so called baby will not developed into a baby but into a lump which can be cancerous. if that is the case, we had to take precaution and prevent myself from getting pregnant in a year. since the test result show that its a miscarriage, then we just need to take precaution for 3 months.

 

i was given vitamins and will be going back for review in 6 weeks time or after my next menses. so in future (which is in nov), 1 month before we try for baby again, i need to start taking folic acid. 

 

in the mean time, i will just have to take care of myself and build up my health. i guess i have to start to have a healthy lifestyle. this is hard for me, i'm always eating junk food. hehehe..... my darling is going to make me start my once a week walk again....

when is anniversary?

once on the radio, the DJ were talking about wedding anniversary, then it strike me which date is our anniversary? our rom or customary date? 

 

although its still early for me to think of anniversary but we must decide and agree on which date to celebrate. if not, i may think that rom date is our anniversary but darling think that customary date is our anniversary, then we will be upset when the date comes and nothing is planned. so i ask my darling, which one do we celebrate or both? his answer is we celebrate both loh, then i told him good; which means i will have 2 presents. heheh.... 

 

come to think of it, if we do celebrate both date then how do we called it to differentiate. 1st rom anniversary and 1st wedding anniversary? doesn't it sound a bit weird? hmmmmm, i think we better come up with some nice names for it.

visit from colleagues

my boss and colleague bought lunch and came to visit me. they had also bought a lot of my work for me to do at home. you might think that they are so cruel still give me work to do when i'm on mc. actually i'm the one who requested them to bring it for me. at least i won't be bored to death. from now till next fri i can slowly key in all the data needed. no more repeated tv show for me, had been watching repeated tv for the past few days or weeks when i'm on mc. its so boring.... i think i can never be a tai tai, i will be bored to death. 

 

as i can't do any house work at the moment, my house is a bit messy. darling haven't came back so nobody to clear up. they became my part-time maid, they help wash up all the dishes and sweep the floor for me. hehee..... so paiseh for them to do it.

its over and gone

we left for tmc at 6.20am, after doing the necessary admission documents, i was lead to my ward by 7.30am. i was told to change into the operating gown. as i had never had an operation before, i wore the gown wrongly. hehe..... the nurse came in to take my temperature and pressure told me i had wore it wrongly and ask me to change. my ops was schedule at 9am. before 9am, another nurse came with the bed and brought me down to the theatre. she told my darling to wait in the room as i will be back very soon. 

 

so i left with them feeling scared but i keep telling myself i had to be strong and can't cry. i fought back my tears and told myself to close my eyes and rest so that i won't start imagining. at the waiting area, there were lots of pregnant ladies waiting to give birth. everyone is busy running here and there. i was there alone, waiting for gynae and anesthetic to come. all i know was that i waited for some time before i was pushed into the operating theatre (ot). or maybe i'm worried so the wait seems to be very long.

 

in the ot, the general anesthetic talked to me and give me a jab on my left hand so that i can have the drip and the anesthetic later. within seconds after the Anesthetic was injected i lost consciouses. all i remember is that the room is very cold and something cold seems to be flowing in from my left hand vein then i was knock out. i don't know how long was the procedures and what was done. but i can hear people talking around me and calling my name, telling me its over.

 

but i'm just too tired and all i want is to sleep. my head and hands feel so heavy, i try lifting my hand but its just too heavy. i just keep sleeping till about 11.30am before i woke up and talk to darling. at that moment, i still feel very tired and want to sleep. darling is so worried, he asked me why i took so long. he waited until he can't tahan and went to ask the nurse for me, then he saw me coming back. 

 

when i woke up at about 12+, i was told that i can change. after lunch and check by their doc, i can leave. however, the wait for the doc is so long. finally, i was discharge at about 2.30pm. we went to make payment and were shocked to see the bill. after medisave, we had to pay about 1.3k in cash. i was shocked that i told darling, maybe its cheaper to do it in clinic. all he said is, its ok as long as you are ok. 

 

i was given 2 weeks mc, medication and going back for review on mon.

final check

we went for our check again. this time is to have a confirmation and its confirmed that my pregnancy had failed. baby's heartbeat should had stopped between week 6 - 7. i will going to do a d/c tomorrow at thomson medical.

in a way its also a relief, is better to know the outcome then to keep worrying and think about it. as much preparation i had, i still cried the moment i stepped out of the clinic. i'm such a cry baby. i had manage to hold back my tears in the clinic and was able to talk to the nurses but my tears will just roll down the moment i'm out of it.

i know its equally hard for my darling. so instead of heading home straight, i requested to go shopping. i wanted to get something for him to cheer him up. i took an hours leave from him and went shopping for his gift. but i only manage to get a card, can't find anything suitable for him. i guess its the thought that counts, having a card is better than nothing.

result is out...

my blood test result is out. my hormones level is only 50% of what is expected. so gynae suggest to wait till mon and go for another check. the cause of the result could be either me or baby is unhealthy. medication that was given to me, i had to continue. and we wait for another scan on mon to make any further decision. sigh....

it was hard but we won't give up

yesterday was the worst day in our marriage life so far, we received a not very good news on our baby.

we tried to keep all the bad thoughts coming to us but its really very hard. all the bad thoughts just keep coming to us. for me, crying is the best way to let it out and me being a super cry baby, crying is not a problem for me. i had been crying the whole night. tears just keep falling, i simply can't talk to anyone over the phone not even over msn. my poor eyes are so swollen but i just can't help it.

its worst for my darling. he had to put on a strong front. he tried very hard to hold back his tears. looking at him, it really hurts me a lot. i spend the night coaxing him into talking, letting out all his feelings. for the very first time, i saw him cry so badly and its really hurt me. i know how much he loves baby. when he told me, the moment he saw out baby our first scan, he already love him and want him badly. my tears just roll down non stop and very much want to keep baby.

baby, we had faith in you. you will be fine and we will stand by you till the end. you must be brave and trust yourself that you can make it. 加油

brought forward our gynae visit

we have brought forward our visit to gynae to today as i had been experience on and off stomach cramps and pains. we received a quite bad news today, we were not able to locate any heartbeat and baby seems to be not growing as well. i was told to do a blood test to test on my hormones level. being pregnant, i should have a certain high level for a kind of hormone. if i don't reach that state, then its not very optimistic. the test result will be out on wed and we can call up to check.

another visit was schedule next mon to scan again, by then there should be an outcome. we are not optimistic about it and i think we better prepare for the worse. i was given a week mc to rest at home.

i was quite surprised that i didn't cry at all at the clinic. its was after we left the clinic that i started crying. i'm really glad that darling is with me for all my visits. i don't know how i can handle this if i'm there alone. i can tell that he is very sad too and had to fight very hard to hold back his tears. he needs to be strong to be there for me. however, he did cry eventually when we were back home. it hurts me a lot to see him cry and this is the 2nd time i saw him crying. he said he feels very bad cos he can't do anything to help me. but darling, being there with me is all i need from you. i just need you to stand by me.

we will be brave and not lose hope till the end. we must fight this battle with baby and stand by him till the end. baby, you too can't give up. you had survive the tiring taiwan trip, you can make it this time too. 加油！我们一起努力。

darling, my baby's daddy

i have been training my darling to say goodnight to baby every night before we sleep. in the beginning, he will say it to me then tell me its meant for baby. i will also have to remind him to do it every night. but yesterday, he did it himself without me reminding him. and he actually speaks to my stomach instead of me now. i'm so happy to see that hopefully, this is not just 三分钟热度.

well, he had been very nice since i started working. he makes me honey, breakfast and my afternoon teabreak everyday. so now i had breakfast every morning and a bottle of honey to drink through the day. i'm really very touched that he bothers to do it for me. but then, i told him i'm sick of honey liao. i don't want honey anymore. so he make ribena for today... it was not even a week and i'm sick of it liao. how to go on like this for the following months to go. he just smile at me and say, never mind, we rotate the drinks loh so that you won't be bored...

baby, your daddy is really very sweet....

bad thoughts

i happen to 'met' up with my ex-classmates from psb in the motherhood forum. she is also expecting her first child now. she had a miscarriage last year on her 7th weeks. same thing, she could see baby's heartbeat on the 6th weeks, but when she went for check on the 8th weeks. baby is gone. gynae suspect that baby's heartbeat stop around 7th weeks.

i was indeed a bit shock to hear that cos we can also see baby's heartbeat on the 6th weeks. however, on the 7th week we could hardly locate the heartbeat though its growing. so now, the bad thought of whether baby is still around will always pop up in my mind. i know its bad for me to think this way and baby can feel it but i can't help it.

i'm really sorry, baby. i really can't help it. maybe its when we wanted to have you so much that we are really afraid to lose you. so you must be brave ok? and me have been good too, feeding you well with lots of food and drinks and also taking the medicine gynae gives. we want to see you next wed when we visit the gynae.

back at work

i'm back in action at work liao. thought i will see piles of work waiting for me, luckily there isn't. heheh..... there are definitely lots of junk mails to delete. i had more than 2000 emails in my inbox, spend the morning clearing them. i think my colleagues are suspecting something..... but since nobody ask i'm going to keep quiet. :P

the first thing i did in office is eating the 爱心早餐 my darling make for me. hehehe....... now that i had cleared my work, i start surfing the net again.

into week 7

went back for review today, again was given another jab to 安胎. gynae didn't mention about the miscarriage this time but i was given 2 more days of mc to rest for this weekend.

did the scan again today, was hoping to see baby but gynae took sometime to locate it and also cos my stomach is very gassy the scan is not clear.

good thing is that baby, you are growing. you had grow from 1.05cm to 1.84cm in a week. please do let us see you on our next appointment. tell us you are healthy and growing well, then we can tell your grandparents the good news. i'm sure they will be looking forward to see you.

i'm pregnant

gynae had confirm my pregnancy, i'm really pregnant. i can't tell if we are happy cos there is a chance of miscarriage since i have bleeding or stainings as they call it. i was given a jab to 安胎 and medication too. i'm supposed to rest in bed for the rest of the week, no herbs, medicine and carry heavy things for me. i'm given a week mc and to see gynae again next week to check.

based on my may menses, i'm currently 6 weeks pregnant and expected due date is 13 feb 08. i think we are in shock more than happiness. we had decided not to mention anything to our parents till next week. hopefully by then, baby is stable then we can share the happy news with them.

its actually a amazing experience to be able to see the heartbeat of the baby through the scan. i can't hide my happiness when i see the heartbeat but my heart sank when gynae mention about the possibility of miscarriage. just pray that everything will be fine and we will get good news next week.

we are back....

my honeymoon had finally ended. :(

arrive at 12am and reached home at 1am. it was indeed a tiring trip. following a tour did let us see many parts of taiwan. however, taking the coach can a torture. my daily routine for the 8 days, sleep when i'm in the coach, eat and walk around when i'm out of the coach.

the food in taiwan is not for me. i don't like their food at all. even their kfc is not nice, mac is salty and mos burger is different. the most familiar food i get there are pocky and coke. i end up eating a pack of pocky everyday and drink coke.

i did something real stupid on the 3 day morning. i had deleted all the photos that we had taken on the 1st and 2nd day. i'm so angry with myself after i realised what i did. sigh.....

i didn't do much shopping. the clothes there are not my cup of tea, those that i like are very ex. however, i did buy a lot of hello kitty stuff back. hehehe...... i bought small post it pad, towels, bookmarks and toaster all with hello kitty back. hahah.......

all i want to do now is bathe and sleep. any other matters can wait till tomorrow. however, i realise that there is blood in my urine. i sense that something is very wrong. i started to worry and quickly tell darling about it. i think i better see a doc tomorrow. one is confirm that i'm not pregnant, second is to find out what happen to me? is my body giving me some kind of warning. i'm starting to panic....